New Things In the New Year

John and I are hopeful for the changes that may happen in 2014. We aren't sure what God has planned, but we have specific things we are praying for.  Growing the family, is one thing we really hope for.

We have another 8 hour training to be certified to be a foster parent coming up on Saturday with Koinonia Family Services. We are so excited! We get to meet other families who have a heart for adoption and see some friends we have met at previous trainings. Hopefully, we'll be done with all the classes, finish the home study, and be certified soon!

Also, I don't know if this is TMI, but John and I started our second round of IUI. Unexplained infertility has been something John and I have struggled with for years and I'm totally comfortable to talk about it freely (as seen here and here). I know it can be a sensitive subject and people don't know how to react to some information I share, but I'm thankful for my friends, family, and church family who have openly loved us, prayed for us, and cried with us.

Thinking about all that's going on in our lives, and new things happening this year, I've been reflecting a lot about how the struggles the past few years have pushed me closer to the Lord.  I heard this Matt Chandler sermon (here) and it reminded me that even in this time of "suffering", God is good! Matt Chandler says,

"God is not a genie in a lamp, and you are not Aladdin. Any preaching and teaching from the Word of God that does not take into account we live in a fallen, broken world and we will have very sad days, we will have very hard days, we will, at times, feel like all is lost, is not preaching the full counsel of God and is doing no one any favors. The good news of the gospel of Jesus Christ is God will be enough on the sad days, and God will sustain us when we are weak. God will sustain us when we are confused. God will sustain us when we feel dry and desolate and angry and empty. God will sustain us."

Praise God for people like Pastor Chandler! His sermons are playing in the house and car often. Also on repeat, this song by Shane and Shane. I dare you to watch it and not weep. Such a great song and then add Pastor John Piper to that?! Amazing.

If you're the praying type, please pray for John and me. We want to build our family but more importantly, we want to learn to be content in God in whatever situation He has ordained for us.

10%

We are the 10%.  According to my doctor 10% of infertility problems are due to inexplicable reasons.

After months of hesitation, John and I went to the doctor to figure out why we haven't been able to conceive.  People always ask us why we waited close to 2 years to check, and I really don't have an answer to that.  We just assumed if God wanted it to happen, it would have happened, right? Maybe a little afraid to find out the results? Or maybe it's because Kaiser makes you jump through burning hoops of fire to see an infertility doctor?!  Just straight up laziness on my part, I guess.  All joking aside, we are excited and content with foster/adoption so we didn't really find the need to go.  But with the 2 year mark approaching I was just so curious, I had to go!

So, after 12 vials of blood drawn, an ultrasound, HSG, $$$, and several other doctor consultation visits, the doctor figured out there is nothing medically stopping us from conceiving.  According to the doctor, John's soldiers are great too! I joke with John all the time that my uterus is where his swimmers go to die! But nope, the doctor said everything is fine!

HSG test was my least favorite! 

A lovely shot of my uterus and fallopian tubes!  I know, it just looks like a blob.

So we are the 10%.

The doctor suggested that we go ahead with IUI also known as artificial insemination.  An appointment was made ... but we cancelled.  We decided to try for a while longer, the old fashioned, natural way! After a few more months, we will reconsider the IUI.

With Mother's Day approaching, I want to go back on that decision and go to the doctor, like ASAP! To be honest I am a tad bit sad. Sad that I am not able to celebrate Mother's Day as a mom yet. Last year, I was super duper sad so I guess I can say it's getting easier.  But I am reminded of a blog post by John Piper's wife, Noel Piper, appropriately titled "When Mother's day isn't a celebration". I was so encouraged from the first two words, "God knows..."

In my dream world, the Park house would be bustling with noise from kids, adopted and biological.  But in God's perfect plan, that is not what He has called for us at this time.  So until then, we will continue to hold on to the hope that is in Christ, seeing that this time is a gift from God, and pray that God hears our cries and allows for me to celebrate Mother's Day as a mom, some day.